Menopause Thoughts & Support from a 31 year old Male Manager.....

I will not shy away from the conversation” - Team Leader, Ministry of Justice

Straight out the gate I want to make it clear, I am not going through the menopause, nor will I ever be.

That is because I am a 31-year-old man, who is 6’2”, has a receding hairline and, when I can be bothered, clean shaven.

It’s not something I’ll experience, but in my career I’ve come to realise that it is something I need to understand.

I manage a varied team with a handful of women who are old enough to be my mother. That’s not me being derogatory – one of them is ACTUALLY my mother who is 60 years young (I had to say that bit).

Menopause affects some of their lives on a day-to-day basis, and it is part of my job as a manager to support them.

In my career I’ve worked in HR, Employment Law and Project Management, managing people at various ages. I have dealt with some difficult situations to help protect vulnerable people from domestic violence, physical and sexual abuse. I have a duty of care to ensure my employees receive the help and support they need and everyone is safe.

Dealing with all of those requires you to have conversations that can feel uncomfortable but are really important. We should treat menopause the same way and make sure people feel they can be open.

I was 18 and a manager in a clothing company when I had my first conversation about the menopause, with a lovely 71-year-old called Pam. From then on, I made sure I learned more.

Two winters ago, a lady I line managed came to me upset and told me about an incident that had just occurred. We drank coffee and allowed time to subdue the moment, then she told me what had made her so upset, angry and aggrieved. She said how anxious she’d been feeling about, well, everything. How she’s struggling to recall information and retain anything new. Then came the forced whisper in a room with just the two of us, broken down into three distinctive syllables “men-o-pause”.

I smiled at her and she tilted her head to one side staring at me trying to understand why I hadn’t instantly recoiled at the very mention of the word. I asked her in a phrase once coined by Whoopi Goldberg “Are you having personal summers as well?” she laughed, her shoulders dropped, and replied: “Personal summers? More like a sprint through the Nevada desert with a polyester Christmas jumper on at the hottest time of the day!”.

We went on to talk about what can be done, and at this point I just listened because there’s something I learnt very quickly having had a number of these conversations. Everybody’s voyage through menopause is different. I may be a man, but I will hear what you have to say and listen.

I will not shy away from the conversation, but embrace it and offer support, help and guidance where I can.

I’ll hold respectful and meaningful conversations, all the while learning about your experiences and you should do the same if you’re a line manager.